Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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