Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
