So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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