my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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