Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
