the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
