Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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