Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
