spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
