just come out here and I will go home with you...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize