Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
