i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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