I wanna passion pit in your ass
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
