dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Damn victory sex feels great
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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