Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
