There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
