Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize