So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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