She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
