you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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