How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
