You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
