Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
