oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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