i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
