I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
