i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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