how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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