is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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