I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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