So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
