girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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