dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
