Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
