dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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