You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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