covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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