Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
