Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
