I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
