I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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