One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
