Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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