yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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