I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
