Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize