Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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