woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
