my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
