That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
