I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
