she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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