I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
