I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
