hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
