i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
