What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
