shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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