Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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