bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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