The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
