I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
