brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
