He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
