Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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