I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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