was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He felt like a one man threesome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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