i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
