I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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