When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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