Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
