You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
