In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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