If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
