We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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