You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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