I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
