I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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