Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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