The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
