I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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