i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
