After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
