i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
