Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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