Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
