I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
