it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
