Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
