I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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