So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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