I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
