hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
