The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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