I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
