Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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