Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
