if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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