That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
