My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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