my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
