my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize