i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
