this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
